Recent studies show that many straight-identified men feel attraction toward other guys. Learn more about this behavior, the discomfort it may cause, and how to explore these feelings mindfully and compassionately.
A 23-year-old straight-identified man recently asked VICE Italy, “What’s happening to me?” He admits having dirty thoughts about his bisexual male friend and wants to hook up with him. This situation is common, as recent studies suggest that many straight-identified men are attracted to other guys.
Labels Don’t Define Sexual Behaviors
VICE Italy explained that a person’s sexual orientation is circumstantially fluid over a lifetime, and labels are descriptive, not prescriptive. Labels do not necessarily predict someone’s life, and sexual behaviors can change over time. Someone can identify as bisexual without ever having sex with a man.
Being Present in the Moment
VICE Italy warned the young man that if he does have sex with his friend, he should remain present and not resist pleasure in an attempt to keep his straight identity intact. Being present in the moment can prevent disassociation.
Feeling Discomfort in Same-Sex Attraction
A recent study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior showed that 13.2% of self-identified heterosexual men feel attracted to other men. These men are 55 times more likely than straight women to feel discomfort about their same-sex attraction. These attractions create discordant experiences, uncertainty, and ambiguity about a heterosexual person’s self-concept. Additionally, heterosexual people may fear social backlash if they identify or act in any way other than heterosexually.
Different Terms for Straight Guys Attracted to Dudes
Sociologists and sexologists have created different terms for straight guys who occasionally have sexual relations with men. There are “androphiles,” “g0ys,” “mostly straight” men, and straight guys who enjoy “buddy baiting” or “just helping out a friend” without risking social stigma or relationship attachments around gay romance.
Exploring Feelings in a Mindful and Compassionate Way
The 23-year-old advice seeker should continue exploring his feelings while gauging his bi-buddy’s interest. A queer friend can help someone realize their LGBTQ+ inclinations. Still, it’s possible to proceed mindfully and compassionately without damaging a friendship or leading to a hasty decision about a brand-new sexual orientation.