How to Groom Your Crack and Sack Properly

This is a photo of the Gluteus Maximus Statue at The Girls NY.
The Girls NY

So many gay guys ask me the secret to my fresh, smooth nether regions. My secret is to be the guy you want to f*ck. In other words, know the look you want, then manscape accordingly. The style you choose should turn you on as much as it turns on your partner. The extra stimulation should motivate you to squat for an extra ten seconds over a foggy mirror to remove the strays.

Do you want a smooth or hairy look? Are you diggin the hairy chest, but over the belly and back fuz? Do you want the length of your pubes to match your happy trail? Are you into a smooth shaft and balls, but love the cushion at the base? First, figure out exactly what you want.

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Take your facial hair into consideration, too. Overall, your body hair should be consistent. If you already have a beard, extend that theme (in a controlled manner) to your chest and package. And, if you keep your face clean shaven, perhaps you should maintain that image on the rest of your body.

Let’s get down to basics:

Step 1: Load up on tools

You need a trimmer with multiple size caps, shaving cream with added moisturizer, a three to four blade razor (Gillette Fusion Power is great because the vibration helps to get hair to its root), a disposable towel, a hand held mirror (bigger the better) and soothing lotion.

Step 2: Grooming the base

Consider the shaft of your schlong — is it wide or thin at the base? The garden around your shaft should emphasize the beauty of your manhood. For example, if your wide at the base, trim the hair to show off your girth, and if you’re thinner at the base, let the hair grow longer to create a voluminous look. This area is most likely to pop out of your underwear. I personally think it’s sexy to see a few little hairs peeking out, but that’s just me. If you decide to trim this area use a 1, 2 or 3 head.

When you manscape, make sure you’re as soft as possible, then grab the head and stretch it to elongate the shaft. This will make it easier for your other hand to slide the trimmer up from the shaft to your belly button region. Never shave from side to side. Do it slowly and gently with the back of the trimmer facing the shaft, starting at the base then trimming up to the belly — do the same around all angles.

Step 3: Shaft and balls

Once you’re finished with the tummy pubes, your hair from the shaft-up will be a good size, but your shaft down will still be hairy or prickly. It’s their turn, now. Depending on how much hair you have around your balls, you might want to put a size 3 cap on the trimmer, then pull on your scrotum to stretch it out (as far as it goes without pain) to slide the trimmer gently around it so you can get the hair as short as possible. Then, you want to grab the razor and shaving cream.

Related: The Ultimate Men’s Grooming Guide

Get into the shower and let the warm water soak the hair. Lather up the balls with a medium thick layer of cream, then point the razor down. Pull the head of your penis to stretch the skin out, and shave from the base down (towards the head). Only travel as far as there is hair. Do this at every angle, then eventually work your way to the balls.

Stretch the scrotum to be sure the skin isn’t bunched up. Shave gently across the area until it’s silky smooth. Be sure to get all the parts underneath the scrotum, too. It’s best to shave side-to-side since for most guys, this is the direction our hair grows down there.

Step 4: A smooth ass

If the hair on your buttocks is long, you should trim it before you ever get into the shower. This way it’s short enough for you to shave.

Once you’re in the shower, and you just shaved your shaft and balls, grab the cream once more. Squeeze a medium amount into your palm and apply to the butt, just one cheek. Then, use your wet razor to start shaving from bottom to top, first, then top to bottom – I find this is an easier process.

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You should be standing, ideally, but if you want to bend over to stretch the skin around the buttocks, go ahead. I find squatting is beneficial too. Once you’re done with one cheek, switch to the other.

Related: How to Shave Your Butt

Use a hand held mirror to squat above so you can easily access inside the cheeks (if this is where you’re headed). You might want to step out of the shower for a moment and use the bathroom floor to do this, then step in and out as you please. Once you feel satisfied with how everything looks, step out of the shower and immediately powder up.

Step 5: Towel and powder

Be sure you use a clean towel. An old one might welcome new bacteria that will seep into your now exposed skin. Be sure to apply soothing lotion after you rinse yourself off — put it on your butt, your balls, your penis, your tummy, everywhere that a razor touched.

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Once the lotion is dry, the next step is to add body powder — this is the secret, fellas! If you don’t apply body powder (at least for the first few days after shaving), your ass will start to chafe and itch as new hairs grow in. Reapply body powder every day. After a few days, you need to also be sure to exfoliate in the shower by using a loofa or exfoliating cloth – this removes dead skin cells.

Step 6: Chest, stomach and back

You want the upper body to match the lower body, as far as hygiene and appearance goes, right? The hair on your chest should be slightly longer than the hair on your stomach (if there is any there at all). Body hair provides a visual illusion that can work in your favor: if you do it perfectly, it can highlight the muscles you have while also making it seem like you have mass around your pecks.

Use an electric trimmer (preferably without any size caps) to trim your stomach, going from side to side, on its flathead. Try not to turn the trimmer on its front edge, otherwise you’ll get ride lines across your tummy that takes a day or two to disappear.

Related: How to Shave Your Hair Down There

Slowly sweep it across your stomach – left to right, right to left, until you reached all the perimeters you wanted. When you get to your belly button, you can add a cap or two depending on how you want the happy trail to look. Add a cap to then shave your chest. When you get to a nipple area, with your free hand, pull on the skin to smooth out the area surrounding the areola, making it a slick surface to slide the trimmer across.

As for the back, it’s non-negotiable. Unless you want a hairy look, it makes no sense to trim your chest and stomach while leaving your back as hairy as a forest. The back is the worst of all — personally I just pay the $30 for a wax person to do it for me, otherwise I use Nair for men (it has a better scent). Depending on your taste, you can decide on your personal preferences.


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