What are gender pronouns, and why is it important to use the right ones?
Gender pronouns are the terms people choose to refer to themselves that reflect their gender identity. These might be he/him, she/her, or gender-neutral pronouns such as they/them.
Knowing and using a person’s correct pronouns fosters inclusion, makes people feel respected and valued and affirms their gender identity.
The difference between sex and gender
While people may use the terms sex and gender interchangeably, they mean different things.
Sex refers to the physical differences between people who are female, male, or intersex. A person typically has their sex assigned at birth based on physiological characteristics, including their genitalia and chromosome composition.
This is distinct from gender, which is a social construct and reflects the social and cultural role of sex within a given community. People often develop their gender identity and gender expression in response to their environment.
While gender has been defined as binary in Western culture, gender is on a broad spectrum; a person may identify at any point within this spectrum or outside of it entirely. Gender is not neatly divided along the binary lines of “man” and “woman.”
People may identify with genders that are different from the sex assigned at birth, some people do not identify with any gender, while others identify with multiple genders. These identities may include transgender, nonbinary, or gender-neutral.
Only the person themself can determine what their gender identity is, and this can change over time.
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People who identify outside of a gender binary most often use non-gendered or nonbinary pronouns that are not gender-specific. These include they/them/their used in the singular, ze (pronounced “zee”) in place of she/he, and hir (pronounced “here”) in place of his/him/her.
Not only has my life been a journey for myself, I was also living for those on the other side of the cameras.
— Demi Lovato (@ddlovato) May 19, 2021
Everyone has the right to use gender pronouns that match their personal identity. These pronouns may or may not match their gender expression, such as how the person dresses, looks, behaves, or what their name is.
What are your pronouns?
— Gayety (@gayety) November 1, 2021
Why the right pronouns matter
It’s important people, workplaces, and organizations support people’s use of self-identified first names, in place of legal names given at birth, and self-identified pronouns, in place of assumed pronouns based on sex assigned at birth or other’s perceptions of physical appearance.
Being misgendered and/or misnamed may leave the person feeling disrespected, invalidated, and dismissed. This can be distressing and threaten the person’s mental health.
Transgender and non-binary people are twice as likely to have suicidal thoughts as the general population and are up to four times as likely to engage in risky substance use.
Conversely, using correct pronouns and names reduces depression and suicide risks.
Studies have found that when compared with peers who could not use their chosen name and pronoun, young people could experience 71% fewer symptoms of severe depression, a 34% decrease in reported thoughts of suicide, and a 65% decrease in suicide attempts.
— ThinkProgress (@thinkprogress) March 30, 2018
7 tips for getting pronouns right
The following tips might help you better understand gender pronouns and how you can affirm someone’s gender identity:
1. Don’t assume another person’s gender or gender pronouns
You can’t always know what someone’s gender pronouns are by looking at them, by their name, or by how they dress or behave.
2. Ask a person’s gender pronoun
Asking about and correctly using someone’s gender pronouns is an easy way to show your respect for their identity. Ask a person respectfully and privately what pronoun they use. A simple “Can I ask what pronoun you use?” will usually suffice.
3. Share your own gender pronoun
Normalize the sharing of gender pronouns by actively sharing your own. You can include them after your name in your signature, on your social media accounts, or when you introduce yourself in meetings. Normalizing the sharing of gender pronouns can be particularly helpful to people who use pronouns outside of the binary.
4. Apologize if you call someone by the wrong pronoun
Mistakes happen, and it can be difficult to adjust to using someone’s correct pronouns. If you accidentally misgender someone, apologize and continue the conversation using the correct pronoun.
5. Avoid binary-gendered language
Avoid addressing groups as “ladies and gentleman” or “boys and girls” and address groups of people as “everyone,” “colleagues,” “friends,” or “students.” Employers should use gender-neutral language in formal and informal communications.
6. Help others
Help others use a person’s correct pronouns. If a colleague, employer, or friend uses an incorrect pronoun, correct them.
If you’ve not used gender-neutral pronouns such as “they” and “ze” before, give yourself time to practice and get used to them.