When it comes to sex between men, we usually find our “roles” pretty quickly. But from my experience, the best kind of lovemaking is rooted in variety. If you’re a versatile guy who always ends up at bottoming, it’s time to whip your man into shape — without him realizing it. Today.
It’s hard to convince a “total top” to bottom, but if he’s your boyfriend, you have a unique opportunity. For the sex to be exciting long term, one must be open for experimentation. So really, you’re doing it to save the relationship (and your sphincter). Training your man to bottom isn’t going to be easy, but it is possible. Here’s how:
1. Don’t give him opportunities to overthink.
The second you give him a reason to overthink, he’ll more than likely let fear speak for him. When things are hot and steamy, let them be hot and steamy. Don’t stop and ask, “Are you ok?” when he’s not showing any sign of pain. The moment you do, he’ll start thinking about the pain, which may or may not be real.
Bottoming can’t be overthought. It needs to be something you just do by focusing on the feeling and the emotional foundation beneath it. Trust me, I know from years of experience. Relish in intuitive and emotional buildups, rather than intellectual ones — it’s WAY more fun. In other words, be present.
2. Don’t always “be down” to bottom.
If you’re always volunteering to bottom, or if the second you start kissing you immediately rub your ass on his crotch, sending a message that you’re wet and ready, don’t be surprised if it becomes habitual.
If you are a closeted versatile dude, you have to speak up. You don’t always have to bottom to make up for the fact that your man won’t. The next time he spins you around, rather than arching your back, just laugh and say, “I don’t feel like bottoming tonight.” What’s going to happen then? Someone has to bottom, right? Perhaps this might get him to thinking about doing it himself, rather than depending on you to wet his pole.
3. Moans speak louder than words.
If you really want to train your man, you gotta let him know through moans. As men, we want the pleasure in knowing we’re pleasing our partners — it makes us feel powerful. Moan when he’s doing something you want him to do more of.
As he’s going down on you, let out a moan. When you’re going down on him, spread his legs and go southward, moan …. When you’re on top of him, rubbing your thing on his bum, grunt like you want more. Bring him with you in the pleasure, and perhaps he’ll want to go all the way. He wants to please you just as much as you want to please him.
4. Lead by example.
In other words, be a great bottom. Show him how it’s done. When you raise the bar, he’ll unconsciously want to ride it too. You make it look so easy, so fun, so pleasurable. It’s only natural for him to be curious and jump on the bottom train, too.
5. Organically position yourself to be dominant.
When you’re making out, switch it up from time to time. But commit to it. When you flip him around, planting you on top, don’t apologize for it. Own it. Be dominant. Make him feel submissive, let him surrender to you — don’t force it. The trick is proving to him how dominant you are, and getting him to trust you enough to surrender.
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