A topknot-ch trend that needs to end — the topknot has to go.
We admit, in the early stages of the topknot phenomenon, we too were aroused — at one point even partaking in the craze ourselves. However, the novelty quickly diminished, and like Goldie Hawn in the 1987 classic, the gay community went Overboard. We’re approaching a topknot epidemic — they’re whipping up your complex coffee orders and gyrating next to you during spin class. Like a severe case of head herpes, the topknot is popping up everywhere.
As a demographic of primarily gay readers, we know what you’re thinking … “Blasphemy!” But let us be clear, the the trendy topknot and the timeless man bun are very different.
Still not sure how to tell the difference? Let’s clarify.
Topknot: It’s underdeveloped but meticulously arranged and manicured, which suggests anal-retentive tendencies. The drastic change in hair length implies indecisiveness — obviously the incarnation of subconscious commitment issues.
Manbun: It’s fully developed, effortlessly maintained and tended to, which suggests self-confidence. The uniform hair length embodies stamina and commitment even under tumultuous conditions — the perfect presentation of function and fashion.
Looking at the provided images, you should note a few key differences.
- The Size
- No matter what you heard, size matters.
- The Shape
- Of course the shape matters, You don’t want it to be too thin. Come on!
- The Texture
- This can vary.
- The Functionality
- How well it gets the job done.
- The Location
- Where you stick it matters, too.
The breakdown above may provide assistance in a topknot self-diagnosis — review symptoms with care. If you believe you or someone you know has been affected by the topknot please seek immediate help.