Why Finding a Boyfriend Is Nothing Like Making a Friend

Gay boyfriends on the beach.

Your boyfriend is not your “friend.”

I was always told to be a great boyfriend you must be a great friend first. I thought they were right. As I aged, it realized the way you treat your man shouldn’t be the way you treat your friends, right?

The truth is single people need to stop shopping for boyfriends like we shop for friends. They’re not the same! While our lovers become our best friends over time, at the end of the day our friends are our friends, and our boyfriend is our boyfriend. Once we start treating one like the other, we end up in the friend zone, or in an awkward situation.

A boyfriend should be our best friend, but it’s not the same kind of relationship we have with our platonic best friends. A boyfriend is a lover and partner first and foremost.

So many gay guys think of relationships like a Hallmark movie. We see images of couples hanging out on the couch watching Netflix, eating brunch together, walking their dog, etc., and we believe these are the only requirements for a healthy relationship. But think about it: You can do all that with a friend.

Related: 9 Reasons Foreign Men Make Marvelous Boyfriends

It’s not the companionship you want from a lover; it’s the intimacy.

Treating your boyfriend as a friend is a mistake many single people make, and it’s the main reason they end up in the friend zone. An intimate relationship shouldn’t have the same rules as platonic relationships, yet for whatever reason we think the best way to a man’s heart is by being his friend.

But the more we lead with the “Friend Card”, the more likely we end up in the “Friend Zone.”

If you want a man to be your lover, you shouldn’t treat him as a friend in the beginning. He needs to see your vulnerable side, not your “I’m down with everything, bro!” kinda side. A boyfriend requires us to let our guard down and connect while a friend is a haven for us to let loose and vent. You’ll be able to do this with your boyfriend eventually, but at the beginning, you need to connect like lovers — not like besties.

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A photo posted by Gayety (@gayety) on

Maintaining a relationship with a lover requires you’re all, which is different from maintaining friendships. Friends need love, trust and respect, which is fabulous, and partners want all of that too, but they also require our hearts.

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