Not everyone loves being on their knees. You’d be foolish to assume all gay men crave the D like a kid craves candy — all right, maybe not.
In all my years of lovemaking, you might be surprised to know I suffered from BJ anxiety. Thankfully, those years are long past, but it wasn’t easy to overcome. I wanted to please my man, but I was terrified he thought I was bad in bed and that he’d stop finding me attractive.
BJ anxiety is a real thing, but most of the time, it’s all in your head (no pun intended). The first thing you need to do is to find the root cause: Is it the visual, the smell, the taste or intimacy in general?
After you figure out what’s triggering your BJ anxiety, you can start the healing process. Here’s how I got there:
Step 1: When did the anxiety manifest?
Just because you don’t like going down on people does NOT mean you’re bad at making whoopee. Sometimes, Johnson juice isn’t for everyone, so try to pinpoint the moment the anxiety started.
Did you have a traumatic experience? I remember mine. I was in high school, and I went down on one of my classmates in the gym locker room — his junk smelled so bad. From that moment, all I could think of was the smell, and the memory haunted me into college.
I had to make an effort to ask myself: Do they all smell bad or was it just him? I would have noticed if mine smelled, right? After convincing myself it was him (he wasn’t the cleanest dude), I was able to build up to trying it again.
Step 2: If you don’t like something, tell him.
If there’s a simple solution for the the issue (i.e., baby wipes or trimming), talk to your partner. You’re going down on him, and if something turns you off, he would probably like to know. Speak up. If it’s better for you, it will be better for him.
Step 3: Compromise.
When it comes to taste and texture, you can easily compromise. For example, if you hate the taste of man milk, try using flavored lubricants to balance the flavors.
I prefer cherry flavored lubricants; they allow me to give it my all without worrying about taste, or worse, aftertaste. And to keep things exciting, I occasionally change up the flavor. If texture makes you gag, try pulling back the skin to reveal a smooth pole to slide down.