Michael Henry is at it again, and this time he’s discussing something many gay guys wonder: How do you turn a straight guy? How long does it take to turn a heterosexual guy into a heteroflexible guy? According to Michael Henry, it takes “days, weeks, even years … but who’s got the time?”
“You have to hone in on one specifically,” he says to a clueless straight friend who assumes he wants to have sex with him (don’t they all), “become his best friend for that entire time. You have to be his number one person. When he calls, you have to answer. When he texts you, you have to reply. When he says come over, help me pay my bills, you have to be there. When he wants to borrow money, you have to give him that money.
“When you catch him crying on the phone, you have to get over there ASAP. It’ll be raining. It’ll be dark in his apartment. You’ll see his eyes from across the room, and you’ll know this is the time to pounce on him like you were two animals out in Africa.”
After the poor straight guy gets the message that perhaps Michael doesn’t want to have sex with him, Michael replies, “You know this would be different if you were Latino, right?”
Check him out in all of his nostalgic glory:
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