Have no fear. The Dyson Ballblade is finally here.
On the latest episode of Conan, the comedian introduced the world to the “latest” in testie tech: the marvelous Dyson Ballblade. This imaginary product promises to make drying your balls quick and easy. To promote the Ballblade, Conan created a revealing infomercial starring male model Daniel Rumfelt.
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In addition to Rumfelt’s amazing bubble butt, the video features a posh raconteur who describes the Ballblade’s unique design:
Dyson products have always been the result of rigorous design, research, and innovation. Every one of our product launches begins with a marriage of form and function. And, the trend continues with the new Dyson Ballblade. The fastest most hygienic way to achieve total scrotal dryness.
Every second, up to 9.25 gallons of HEPA-filtered air is forced through 0.8 millimeter wide apertures. Creating 425 mph sheets of air that swaddle your berries; drying them in just 12 seconds, or 6-seconds per ball. Also included for your nether region, a patented, telescoping taint dryer. The Dyson Ballblade. Because every package should be handled with care.
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At the end of the video, Conan endorsed the Dyson Ballblade saying “trust me, they work. They really do work.” Watch the hilarious commercial below!