No one wants to date an asshole. For the most part, you don’t even realize you’re doing it while you’re in the relationship. You think he’s a bad boy, which is intriguing — I mean, he loves you right? What more could you ask for?
If a man doesn’t make you feel good, believe me, he’s not the one for you. It’s about partnership, not dictatorship. Some of the signs go completely unseen. Here are a few:
1. Constant interruption.
You can tell a man’s true character by the way he interrupts others. It’s his way of showing power. It displays a lack of compromise, and in many ways proves that he doesn’t care what you have to say. Listening is a quality most assholes will never have.
2. You find yourself asking permission to do things.
You don’t remember when it started, but lately you’ve been asking permission to do the smallest things: Going out to get groceries, heading to the bar, looking at clothing on a different rack, buying tea instead of coffee. It’s weird, so not like you.
3. He makes you feel guilty.
If you’re both running late, he’ll make you think it was because you take long showers. If you drop something, he’ll make you think you’re a klutz and can’t be trusted with anything. If you spill coffee he’ll convince you that his whole day is going to be ruined. Forget about that crap!
4. He says you hold him back.
He could have been “doing so many other things,” but he hasn’t because he loves you. He’ll say that he sacrificed everything for you as an attempt to build your loyalty. You don’t owe him anything! He’s a big boy and can make big boy decisions.
5. Everything you do is “stupid” or “wrong”.
You can’t do anything right. You can’t drive, cook, clean, massage, fuck — everything isn’t where it needs to be, and he’ll speak up about it too. Slowly but surely, he’ll convince you that you need him to be good at anything.
6. He forces you to choose sides.
“It’s either them or me” he’ll often say. Or if you’re out in public, “What do you wanna do — stay here or go with me?” A good man will know what you want to do and won’t make you feel awkward for wanting to do different things.
7. He never says “thank you”.
He demands things without every saying “thank you”. That’s one of the most underrated words. From handing him his coffee to picking him up at work, “thank you” is a requirement and ought to be said and heard every day.
8. He’s passive aggressive.
He’ll give you the silent treatment from time to time, making you aware just how crazy he is. Other times, he’ll demean you using code words that you know are meant for you.
9. He threatens you.
“If you don’t do this, then I’m not going to give you that .…” He’ll threaten sex, money, attention, possibly the whole relationship, to get you to do what he wants. It’s a selfish move, but frequent nonetheless.
10. Your friends point it out.
If your group of friends tell you he’s an asshole, chances are he’s an asshole. It’s hard to look at the relationship in an honest way while you’re in it. Sometimes, it takes other people to shed light on his asshole-ism.