Dating

7 Things Grindr Taught Us About Gay Men

This is a photo of a young couple.

4. We want bottoms AND tops to be “masculine.”

I was shocked to discover how many bottoms there actually were in my neighborhood. I’d say with every one top, there are four or five bottoms (but that’s just my experience). Regardless, we always seem to be searching for “masc.”

The term “masc” is different for everyone — some refer to it as an attitude, others refer to it as how sporty you might be, or how you dress, or how you moan (is it high-pitched or low-pitched?). It’s absolutely insane the questions people ask on Grindr, and “masc?” is usually within the first three seconds.

5. We’re terrified of meeting guys in our industry.

When you’re living in a big city but work in a tight-knit industry, there tends to be a little anxiety. First, we delete it and then our own horniness comes into play and we say, “Well… maybe I’ll just never send a face pic.”  Three months later we’ve slept with every would-be client in our town.

Related: How to Quit Grindr for Good

The older we get the more concerned we are about this kind of situation. It’s our way of filtering. One of the first questions we ask is: So what do you do? The truth is we actually don’t give a crap. We just want to be sure we’re not ever going to see you across the table at our next conference, audition, workshop or office.

6. It shapes the perception of ourselves.

When guys tell you how hot you are, it’s a major confidence booster; we know it probably doesn’t mean anything, but we still feel better. Alternatively, when a guy says you’re “not his type,” what we think he really means is we’re too ugly to even be talking to him — we take it personal.

Related: Grindr Goes Down and the Gays Go Crazy

Eventually, the app becomes a way to try and convince ourselves we’re worth any kind of effort. So we don’t stop until we’re somewhat satisfied.

7. Grindr will shame you.

Grindr has created a hookup culture that perhaps may have been better off living in a subliminal world. But regardless of how things panned out, gay guys now have a lot less fear about sex and how to approach it. The downside is that it can desensitize our ability to love.

David Artavia is an actor and writer from New York City. He loves living vicariously through his friends. Follow him on Twitter and Like his Facebook page

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