Vice writer Jeff Leavell recently opened up about his journey of sexual discovery through experimentation. And let me tell you, as someone who’s pretty vanilla when it comes to sex, it was an interesting read. For those a bit prudish, you probably shouldn’t continue reading.
Leavell was inspired to expand his sexual limits by his friend Anderson, who was aggressively topped in an alleyway at San Diego Pride this year. The guy is a dominant top and was not playing games when it comes to kink (unlike Anderson’s boyfriend, a corporate lawyer who washes his hands after sex).
“I’ve never wanted to drink someone’s piss so bad,” Anderson told Leavell. “He f*cked me in an alley outside this bar. When I left in the morning, he made me walk naked to my car. None of that is me. But the next weekend I asked if I can see him again. He told me only if I begged him. So I begged.” His boyfriend Chad has no idea.
Leavell was intrigued by how one can be someone completely different with another person from who they are with their partner. He remembered from his experience of meeting a 23-year-old guy on Scruff who’d asked to be choked. This unleashed something inside Leavell, which made him interested in testing his limits further.
The next time the said 23-year-old visited, Leavell made him kneel at his bedside and drink a glass of his piss. Sometimes, they’d have sex while Leavell made him wash dishes, other times he’d lock him in the closet and only take him out to use him for sex.
Leavell explains that relationship, not as love, but as intimacy. They brought something out of each other that no one had seen, thus prompting more investigation into how that all plays out in human psychology. It turns out, it has way more benefits than we think.
“I am not a Sir to my husband, Alex, or our boyfriend, Jon,” Leavell writes. “Alex and I are adventurous. We like to pick up guys and f*ck them and be dirty together. With Jon, I’m different. Jon is less interested in other guys. He likes boyfriend sex. But at the same time, I know he’s gotten bathroom blow jobs at parties and pissed on guys — with other men, he becomes another person. Just like I can. Just like we all can.”
Leavell goes on to discuss subjective sexuality, and all the ways we get to explore who we are and how others bring out sides of us we didn’t know existed. There’s desire to see how far we can go: How much love we can experience, who we could become sexually, and how far will we go?
“We spend so much time defining and limiting who we are: Top, bottom, polyamorous, monogamous, kinky, vanilla,” he writes. “We define and box others in with words like ‘slut,’ words which demean them for being sexual. But I believe that the more we explore and open ourselves up to new experiences, the more those limits and definitions fall away. I can be the hungriest, most submissive bottom in the world, or the roughest, most alpha top. I can want something with a stranger that I don’t want to be with my husband. My only limits are those I place on myself, and the ways I define who I am.”
Read the full article at VICE.