When you think about it, splooge is mysterious but no one really talks about the facts. What’s in a load? Is it good for you? Can you cook with it? How big is the average blast?
After obsessing over guy goo, we decided to put on our detective hat and do some research. Here are nine questions we had about spaff and the surprising answers we found.
1. What’s in it?
The short answer is: a lot of things. Some people think it’s nothing but swimmers, and they’re wrong. In actuality, less than 10 percent of your load can swim. The rest is comprised of nutrients (i.e., protein) and bodily fluids.
2. Is it good for you?
Well, it’s not bad for you. We’re not advocating for an all-spunk diet, but your splooge contains about 20 calories, as much protein as the white part of an egg, as well as vitamin C, magnesium, potassium, vitamin B12, zinc, and calcium.
3. How big is the average load?
The average volume in a load is 3/4 of a teaspoon, which is pretty easy to swallow or spit (whatevs, we don’t judge). How do you measure up?
4. Do men ever stop making baby batter?
Nope! Never ever. Although women obviously stop making eggs during menopause, men never stop churning out baby batter.
5. Can you cook with it?
6. Does your diet affect its quality?
Yes. A balanced diet helps your body produce a quality load. Eating foods like oysters, bananas, walnuts, asparagus and garlic are always good choices. And, eating pineapple can give your cream a sweeter flavor.
7. Can you be allergic to baby gravy?
Well, you can be allergic to pretty much anything. But, yes. Some people (usually women) are allergic to man yoghurt. You can learn more about “seminal plasma hypersensitivity” (aka semen allergy) here.
8. Can you rub too many out?
You can never rub enough. Kidding. If you jerk it too many times you can irritate your shaft, but frequent jerking improves the quality of your swimmers, so have a ball and go to town.
9. Can you use it as a skin cream?
Yes. There’s a chemical in your load called “spermine” and some high-end spas include the ingredient in wrinkle creams. It will also dry out and reduce the appearance of acne.