When I was a kid, every time I played with myself, I felt a sense of guilt. I prayed to God: “I’m so sorry. I won’t do it again.” I was going through puberty so naturally new urges would arise hourly, and I’d take back my promises.
Gay guys nowadays seem to have the same relationship with Grindr. We try so hard to be “above” it, many go so far as to calling it “gross” or “trashy”. But while we might call Grindr names, what we’re really doing is making those who enjoy the hookup app feel terrible.
People often become exactly what we tell them to be. If we make a man believe he’s trashy and gross for logging into Grindr, of course he’s going to think low of himself when he logs on. But craving intimacy is in our DNA; it’s never going to go away. Does that make us gross? No, it makes us human.
Why do gay men give dating apps such a bad rap? When did we all of sudden decide it’s ungentlemanly or classless to admit we enjoy casual hookups?
Grindr guilt is something no one likes to talk about because A) we don’t want people to know we have Grindr, and B) we don’t understand it so we put the concern to the side. It all goes back to when I felt guilty for rubbing one out as a child; except now it’s not God we feel enslaved by, it’s society.
Before Grindr, we had parks; before that we had underground meeting spots; before that we were hunter/gatherers traveling and implanting the nearest womb we found like wild humans (which we were). Casual lovemaking is natural for humans, so why do we think it’s a bad thing?
The last thing we want to be is a wild animal. Human beings are pretentious enough to pretend we aren’t animals, and we’re clearly wrong. We don’t want our behavior to be grouped with that of dogs, apes, or any other mammal, but it’s unnatural to dismiss our needs.
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