How to Make Your Sperm Taste Better

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Imagine you’re with a guy who seems to have everything you’re looking for — he’s tall, athletic, perfect five o’clock shadow and he resembles Hugh Jackman in all the right ways. It’s time to give him a BJ that will make him yours forever (or at least for tonight). You can’t wait to show him your skills …

You unzip his jeans and start going to town. Suddenly you get a funky taste in your mouth. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but who cares (he’s so hot). He explodes and you realize the bad taste in your mouth was —  him. The texture, the taste, the smell, everything about his jizz makes you gag, but you smile anyway. “You taste so good,” you say begrudgingly.

Related: 9 Things You Didn’t Know About Your Load

No one should ever experience this, from either end of the yogurt launcher. Whether you realize it or not, there are so many things you can do to make your man batter taste as delicious as cake batter. And the secret isn’t your diet. Well, not just your diet, anyway. The secret to sweet nectar is a healthy lifestyle — physically and emotionally.

Some guys have a salty, disgustingly bitter load, but you can make yours taste better. In order to make yours taste exactly how you want it to, you need to know what’s in it.
Man milk is full of fructose, sodium, protein, vitamins and various other traces of minerals and nutrients.

It’s unclear why the taste differs from man to man, but knowing the ingredients in your jizz will undoubtedly help you control its taste and texture. Many things affect your spunk. Here’s what you need to know:

Drink more water.

Seminal fluid is mainly composed of water. If you don’t have enough, the volume of your load will be low and it probably won’t taste very good. The more water you drink, the more toxins you’ll be able to clean from your system — I’m talking chemicals from all the food you eat: Fast food, candy bars and cheap cocktails.

Limit the caffeine and cigarettes.

Not only is this bad for your overall health, but it’s also not a great idea if you want your man to crave your jizz on a summer day. Caffeine takes the sweet taste away from semen, while cigarettes leave tar inside your system, which creates a heavy bitter taste. If you can get your caffeine from tea instead and throw away the cigs altogether, you have a better chance at making a lasting impression.

Add cinnamon to everything.

It’s unclear exactly why cinnamon is good for semen, but it does something to a man’s system by masking over the bad tastes. Its potency can be much stronger than the rest, leaving a sweeter taste in your mouth as it counteracts with the saltiness. Peppermint and peppers also show to have similar outcomes, but never as prominent as cinnamon.

Eat fruits high in citric acid (i.e., pineapple).

The natural sugar mixes with your body’s processing system, which leads all the way down to your jizz factory. These kinds of fruits include blueberries, cranberries, strawberries, plums, pineapples, oranges, grapefruits and kiwi. These fruits also help with texture, making your semen feel lighter and cleaner, which makes it easier to swallow, too.

Go for poultry. Steer clear of red meat.

I’m not a big fan of red meat in general. It has a habit of clogging our arteries as well as important tubing that help us go to the bathroom (putting it lightly). Research also shows that eating a lot of red meat and fish makes our semen taste buttery (and not in a good way), which is why poultry (chicken, turkey, duck et al) is much better. It’s good for our digestive system, which makes processing easier, and the taste hardly has a bad effect.

Celery and watermelon are magical.

If there is one vegetable you need to eat every single day, it’s celery. You know the citrusy after taste our taste buds feel? That’s the key; it hydrates us like no other veggie, and like magic, it prevents our semen from tasting bitter. It has a reverse-effect, virtually cleansing all the bitterness away.

Related: How to Cook With Man Batter

Watermelon has the same hydrating effect that celery does. It can also make our semen taste sweeter (similar to acidic fruits). But it’s greatest achievement is with texture. Watermelon thins our semen’s texture, making it less goopy and more smooth. Basically, it turns our jizz into a cream smoothie.

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